IKEA Furniture Assembly in 10 Frustrating Steps

Oh, IKEA. I love your stylishly efficient furniture. I love your beautiful displays. I love your irresistible prices. I love your meatballs. I love you until I bring my IKEA goods home and have to assemble them.

And what do you do to help me in my plight?

You give me an allen wrench. GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERAAnd an instruction manual, with NO words. ikeaconfused

No, that little thought bubble does not quite capture my absolute bewilderment at the idea of turning this…

ikeamess…into an armchair.

Since I found the official IKEA instructional manual lacking, I’ve made my own. YOU are welcome.

ikeaheading

Step 1: Pour yourself a huge glass of wine or your preferred beverage. Just like Gatorade is the official drink of the NFL, I declare wine to be the official drink of IKEA furniture assembly. courteney-cox-big-joe

Step 2: Take all the pieces of your future IKEA piece out of the box. Regardless of the item, there should be an absolute minimum of 48 pieces.

Should look something like this.
Should look something like this.

Step 3: Strongly consider the option of just… not doing it. screw-thatStep 4: Suck it up, buttercup. Take a big gulp of your wine. Get out your practically useless IKEA instruction manual, allen wrench and start assembling!ikeaassembly

Step 5: During assembly, take plenty of “this doesn’t look right” breaks and gulps of wine.kristen-wiig-as-annie-in-bridesmaids-20111

Step 6: Finish assembly and celebrate your success! You’re like the Bob Villa of IKEA furniture assembly!

685Step 7: Examine mysterious bag of extra pieces.

ikeaextra

Step 8: Decide they are bonus pieces unnecessary to the function of this piece of furniture.

idontcare

Step 9: Find glaring assembly error, which also solves the mystery of the extra pieces.

Nope.
Nope.

Step 10: Cry.

dawson-crying

 

Repeat steps 3-6 as many times as necessary. If you’re still unsuccessful after eight or more attempts, declare war on Sweden.

Published by Farrah

Farrah Alexander is a writer whose work focuses on feminism, parenting, social justice, politics, and current events. Her work has been featured in Huffington Post, BUST, and Scary Mommy. Her commentary has been discussed in Scientific American, Buzzfeed, Refinery 29, Yahoo, Hello Giggles, Woke Sloth, Cosmopolitan, Elle, Perez Hilton, Daily Mail, BBC, and others. Her debut book RAISE THE RESISTANCE: A Mother's Guide to Practical Activism is forthcoming from Mango set to release in the Fall of 2020. As an advocate for gun reform, she previously served on the board of Whitney/Strong, a non-profit founded by mass shooting survivor Whitney Austin. She now is a member of the Everytown Author's Council, which was designed to "harness the power of the literary community to amplify the gun safety movement." She lives outside Louisville, Ky. with her husband, son, and daughter.

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